I have this question for a long time. Not that I never achieved my goals. Actually, I did achieve many but some big ones still in the making and whenever New Year came I was setting that goal again and again. I would make some progress, get closer but never achieved it. Then the end of the year comes and you feel frustrated that it did not happen again this year despite all the hard work.Overtime of course I learned to look differently at it as every process towards the goals with all the work you put in to it definitely brings a lot of learning, so ultimately you become a different person.But still the big question remained unanswered until I came across the book "Psycho-Cybernetics", written by a plastic surgeon and his observation on how physical look impacts people's life.
Here are a few insights from the book to think about when you set any new goal:
The most important psychologic discovery of this century is the discovery of the “self-image.” Whether we realize it or not, each of us carries about with us a mental blueprint or picture of ourselves. It may be vague and ill-defined to our conscious gaze. In fact, it may not be consciously recognizable at all. But it is there, complete down to the last detail. This self-image is our own conception of the “sort of person I am.” It has been built up from our own beliefs about ourselves.The “self-image” sets the boundaries of individual accomplishment. It defines what you can and cannot do. Expand the self-image and you expand the “area of the possible.” The development of an adequate, realistic self-image will seem to imbue the individual with new capabilities, new talents and literally turn failure into success.
The “self-image” sets the boundaries of individual accomplishment. It defines what you can and cannot do. Expand the self-image and you expand the “area of the possible.” The development of an adequate, realistic self-image will seem to imbue the individual with new capabilities, new talents and literally turn failure into success.
All your actions, feelings, behavior—even your abilities—are always consistent with this self-image. In short, you will “act like” the sort of person you conceive yourself to be. Not only this, but you literally cannot act otherwise, in spite of all your conscious efforts or will power. The man who conceives himself to be a “failure-type person” will find some way to fail, in spite of all his good intentions, or his will power, even if opportunity is literally dumped in his lap. The person who conceives himself to be a victim of injustice, one “who was meant to suffer,” will invariably find circumstances to verify his opinions.
The self-image is a “premise,” a base, or a foundation upon which your entire personality, your behavior, and even your circumstances are built. Because of this our experiences seem to verify, and thereby strengthen our self images, and a vicious or a beneficent cycle, as the case may be, is set up.
When I read this it hit me hard. "This makes a lot of sense", I thought to myself.
With every new new failure towards our goal we start to feel that we will fail again, we start to feel unlucky and unworthy of our goals. On one hand we have a goal and we keep doing stuff to justify to ourselves that we are doing something, we keep going, we are resilient but on the other hand we don't believe 100% we will achieve it. We self-sabotage. We are trying to "build a roof without any foundation". The cycle repeats over and over again and become vicious instead of virtuous.
Here is a tweet that I made about this:
Everything comes down to who you are. You outer world is largely a reflection of your inner world.
Whatever goals you set for yourself this year make sure you self-image is matching that goal.
Your mind is your most powerful tool.
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